Showing posts with label apple. Show all posts
Showing posts with label apple. Show all posts

Monday, 29 December 2014

Titanium G4 PowerBook: No Gnome


Cry me a river, said the Ferryman. Rise and shine for the colour of mercury; golden fingers taste the destination. If modern society is stupid and trivial then perhaps the most stupid and trivial things are the most representative. And perhaps they aren't so trivial after all, and the things we value for their intelligence and complexity are actually well-presented shams. Or perhaps the state of human thought has moved on, leaving a trail of obsolete genius in its wake; and perhaps a thing of genuine complexity and intelligence is simply out of step with prevailing fashion.


Few people argue that fast food restaurants represent any kind of human triumph, but fast food is the pragmatic application of a set of complex industrial processes to one of mankind's most fundamental problems. Fast food restaurants are the final step in a chain of processes - one of the final steps, because sewage works exist beyond them, and ultimately human endeavour is a process whereby soil is transformed into more soil. The soil nourishes protein which is bred and slaughtered and chopped into bits and delivered and cooked and put in a bun and given to the customer at record speed; the customer excretes this and the faeces is transported and sterilised and returned to the Earth and thus the human animal is a soil-processor, soil goes in and soil comes out.

There are trains and trucks and aeroplanes to enable all of this. On top of that, fast food restaurants use a sophisticated arsenal of psychological weapons to grab attention. The fried chicken joint next to the bus station sells much the same product as the KFC a few doors down from the Halifax, but KFC has meaning, because it understands that human beings crave meaning and it has the resources to act on this, whereas the fried chicken joint is a haunt for chavvy drug dealers and working people. And so KFC can charge a higher price, and no-one need feel shame for eating at KFC.


Three G4s from the actual, distant past of 2001-2002; the top at Dorkbot London 1.0, the bottom two elsewhere.

Beyond fast food there is the fashion industry, which uses a globalised manufacturing network to produce inessential goods that sell at an enormous mark-up, to a clientèle that has invested more emotional value in a handbag than in any human being. This is us. McDonald's and Gucci are part of a system as complex as Apollo or the Internet. An alien viewing us from space would see a network of lights, a global network of lights, of container ships transporting frozen meat and high-heeled shoes, he would see lights burning in the desert so that the lights would not go out. He would see highways of death running to the shining city on the hill, lines of light burning through fissures of the mind.

A lot has changed since 2005. Who now remembers Apple?

The Titanium G4 PowerBook was launched in January 2001, just as the dot.com boom was turning sour. My recollection is that Apple went through the dot.com boom relatively well, perhaps because the company already had masses of problems. The G3 iMac is indelibly associated with the period, but it continued to sell even as Webvan and eToys were going under, and in fact the iMac brand survives to the present day.

The G4 Cube flopped, but in general Apple's product launches of the early 2000s sold steadily and came to a natural end. The Titanium G4 itself was discontinued towards the end of 2003 in order to make way for the new, aluminium-bodied G4. Apple fans grumbled that the new G4 wasn't much faster than the old G4, but looking through the reviews and dredging my own actual personal memory of the actual period of actual history, the aluminium G4s were even more desirable than their titanium ancestors.

In general the "TiBook", as it is often called, tends to be overlooked nowadays. In terms of design and materials modern MacBooks owe a lot more to the aluminium G4s and there is the simple matter of age; the most modern TiBook is eleven years old. The average internet user is too young to remember them. Nonetheless the machine has left traces on the internet. The chap from ExplodingDog owned one and wrote a sweet essay about his, which ended its life as a battered wreck, but don't we all. Some people have an emotional response to Apple gear; owning Apple equipment is like taking a holiday from the grey rain and misery of everyday life. Apple laptops are like heroin, socially acceptable heroin.

The first model launched at $3499, but later models were $2499 - 2999 depending on specification.

The TiBook was only ever available with a 15" 3:2 widescreen display and for the love of God I'm not writing TiBook again. The Titanium G4 or just G4 from now on depending on context.

Fifteen inch screen. Mid-way through the run Apple increased the resolution slightly, although the screen remained the same size. The first run of aluminium G4s was launched in early 2003, but it wasn't until September of that year that a 15" aluminium G4 came out, and so the titanium model soldiered on for a few more months. The Titanium G4's wide screen was a novelty at the time, and contemporary reviews tend to make a point of mentioning it, so I'm reasonably confident that the G4 was the first ever laptop with a widescreen display.

Widescreen displays in general were unusual in 2001. Not just for laptops, they were unusual for desktop computers as well. For that matter LCD monitors were still only a couple of years old in 2001. People still had CRT screens. I had a CRT. God it was awkward. My hunch is that a lot of people who bought titanium G4s ended up with a laptop that was more advanced, perhaps even faster than their desktop computer; the G4 was part of the first generation of laptops that could be your one and only machine, and in that respect the price was less of an issue than it seems.

Nowadays depreciation has wiped almost 99% of their value away. Literally so; ratty models fetch $20-30, and only the absolute best used examples of the fastest titanium G4s with the original packaging fetch over $100.


Mint 17 (2014, top) / OS X 10.4.1 (2005, bottom), very different experiences although the control panel rings a bell. OS X runs Logic and Photoshop, Linux doesn't.

The titanium G4 was launched during a period of transition for Apple. The company's design language was shifting away from the brash, translucent plastics of the original iBook towards a minimalist, metallic aesthetic. Apple was also introducing its new operating system, OS X, and the company was making tentative steps on the path to being a consumer electronics giant rather than purely a computer manufacturer. The original iPod was launched a month after the G4, the first physical Apple store had been launched a few months earlier. There had been a Cult of Apple in the 1980s and 1990s, but it was nothing compared to the fully-fledged religion that was about to emerge.

The G4 emerged in parallel with OS X. OS X was a big thing for Apple. It was in theory the reason for Steve Jobs' return. His company, NeXT, was bought up so that Apple could have a new operating system. In much the same way that Ash persuaded Ripley to bring the infected Kane back into the Nostromo. Within a few years the metaphorical alien foetus that metaphorically burst from Jobs' chest had devoured all of Apple and covered the inside of the company's HQ with a kind of biomechanical slime, and in that respect it's ironic that Jobs was eventually killed from within, by cancer. On a fractal level the cancer asserted its dominance over Jobs, Jobs asserted his dominance over Apple, Apple asserted its dominance over the mobile phone and tablet market - and also the world of money - and where does it end, hmm? From the microscopic world of energy particles to the macroscopic domain of colliding galaxies, there is a continuum, and we are part of that continuum, like lengths of conductive metal welded into an electricity conduit. The energy flows through us, we must not break the chain.

By all accounts OS X was a solid piece of work that got better as it went along. For a few years in the mid-2000s Apple sold rackmounted OS X server boxes - the Xserve range - but, facing competition from Linux, the company eventually threw in the towel. Most people who use a computer have used Windows at some point; the same is not true of OS X, and unless you own or use a Macintosh there's a good chance that you've never seen it outside an Apple Store. It tends to be overlooked when magazines run comparative tests of operating systems, presumably because PC owners can't install it, and Macintosh owners have no need for anything else. iPad and iPhone owners use iOS, which is so transparent that I imagine a large percentage of iOS users aren't aware that their machines even have an operating system. And why not? It's good that iOS is transparent, it gets out of the way.

The original 400mhz and 500mhz titanium G4s came with Mac OS 9.1. OS X was launched to consumers a couple of months later, and the subsequent 550/667mhz models dual-booted OS 9.2.1 and OS X 10.1, with OS 9 as the default. The 667mhz-1ghz models had OS X 10.1.3, with an option to boot into OS 9. The Titanium PowerBooks were the last Apple laptops that could boot into OS 9 - the aluminium G4s dropped OS 9 entirely.

The titanium G4 introduced Apple's modern laptop look, although it feels semi-formed. It's not quite as minimalist as the later, aluminium G4, or the contemporary, white plastic G3 and G4 iBooks. Apple's design language in the 1980s and 1990s was conservative and stylish, in fact the company was unusual in that it actually had a design language. A language that it applied consistently across its entire product range, over a period of several years. Apple called it "Snow White". Snow White Macintoshes had subtly curved corners and stylish mock cooling vents, and generally managed to be cute and formal at the same time. In the 1990s Snow White was gradually smoothed out, and Apple's designs of the 1990s - the Quadras, Performas, early PowerPC Macintoshes and PowerBooks - were generally very bland and anonymous.

It takes 321 seconds for the 667mhz G4 to calculate Pi to just over 2m digits with SuperPi. A chap in this thread got a time of 177 seconds with his 1.25ghz G4, which suggests that the PowerPC's performance progressed in a linear fashion; the 1.25ghz model is clocked at 1.8x the speed of the 667mhz and calculates Pi 1.8x faster.
Comparing this across platforms is futile, but for the sake of history my 500mhz Pentium III-powered ThinkPad 600X calculates exactly 2m digits in 532 seconds, a single core of a 2ghz Core II Duo takes 62 seconds, a single core of a 3.3ghz i5-2500K takes 23 seconds. A casual reading of these figures suggests that the 667mhz G4 was on a par with an 800mhz Pentium III for this one very narrow task, but there are too many imponderables to draw a firm conclusion.

Apple turned things around abruptly, in 1998, with the brightly-coloured, translucent plastic G3 iMac. The original iMac was brash, extroverted, garish, post-modern, silly, but very influential; it was launched in a brash, extroverted age. It fit right in with the mood of the times and it was surprisingly good value, and sales were brisk. By selling it as an internet terminal that could also run Microsoft Office, Apple sidestepped the Macintosh platform's biggest problem - its lack of software support - and I remember seeing the iMac on sale in mainstream supermarkets, which was unprecedented for a Macintosh, especially in the UK. Apple didn't open a store in the UK until 2004, and in doing so they gave hope to a nation that had only known hope once before.

I have the impression that Apple fans don't like to be reminded of the translucent era. It puts me in mind of Pierce Brosnan's stint as James Bond, or Batman Forever, fashionable at the time with an air of newness and modernity but not something people want to revisit. The iMac still exists, although over time Apple moved away from the idea that it should be outrageous and playful. The G3 iMac was replaced by the extraordinary G4 iMac, which resembled an anglepoise lamp, but the G5 iMac was essentially a large monitor with a computer built into it, and Apple has continued to use this concept to the present day.

Top defunct universe simulator Celestia runs on the machine, but only low-resolution textures work; the 16Mb Mobility Radeon presumably isn't up to the task.

Have you ever thought about the word "carpetbagger"? It's one of those words that pops up every now and again, and you read it and don't think about it - some kind of ne'er-do-well perhaps - but it haunts you. Is it a man who puts carpets into bags? Well, the great thing about the internet is that I can instantly look up the answer. A carpetbagger is a man who has a carpet bag, essentially a rucksack made out of a carpet. These bags were capacious and hard-wearing, and people from the north of the United States packed their belongings into them and travelled to the south in the wake of the civil war, hoping to profit from the ravages of conflict. Twenty years ago I would have had to look that up in a dictionary, assuming I had access to a dictionary, but it wouldn't have had pictures; now I have instant knowledge at my fingertips. Thank you, Apple, for making the modern world.

This part gets very hot.

Marketing types often go on about benefits, the idea being that it's a mistake to simply list the features of a product, you have to sell its benefits. The internet allows me to look up the meaning of odd words, and find new words, such as trigonal and gyromancy and geocyclic; that is its benefit, and if I had to market the internet to someone who had never used the internet I would emphasise... well, I would probably emphasise an endless supply of free porn, so many naked women that you would get sick of looking at naked women, plus social media which allows you to maintain the illusion that you have actual friends who really care about you. Steve Jobs understood all of this. His keynote speeches rattle on about how the Macintosh and iTunes and so forth will allow people to do things faster; he only delves into the nitty-gritty of the Altivec engine and seamless file synchronisation in order to illustrate the benefits of these technologies. The internet has a video of the 1997 Macworld expo, during which Apple's then-CEO Gil Amelio announces the return of Steve Jobs to the company Jobs had co-founded; Jobs immediately outlines Apple's mission, to "provide relevant, compelling solutions that customers can only get from Apple", and he lifts his voice at the end and there is applause. And then, ominously, he moans that Apple does not have many cars in the parking lot at 3pm on a Sunday. Apple was entertaining to watch from afar, I imagine it wasn't much fun to work for.

On the level of industrial design, Steve Jobs' return to Apple was a complicated thing. Nowadays it's assumed that he immediately set to work rejigging Apple's physical products, but he was initially hired for the operating system, the development framework, application integration etc. It seems that he saw in Apple chief designer Jonathan Ive a kindred soul, and immediately promoted him to god-head of Apple's physical realm. Nonetheless I have the impression that Apple's industrial design process was something of a mess at the time. The translucent G3 iMac had presumably been on Ive's mind before the return of Jobs - it was a cross between Ive's translucent Apple eMate and the all-in-one G3 All-In-One - but the contemporary, second generation G3 PowerBook looked like something from the pre-Jobs era. The "Wallstreet" model was curvaceous and black and came across as an evolution of Apple's earlier designs, rather than a clean break; I'm not sure who designed it, my hunch is that the work had been done before Ive and Jobs turned their attention to the laptop side of things.

The G4 was designed by Jory Bell, Nick Merz, and Danny Delulis, melancholic figures who have been written out of history. Bell and Merz left Apple shortly before the G4's launch to set up their own laptop company, OQO, which specialised in teeny-tiny Windows palmtops running on Transmeta Crusoe chips. The OQO Model 01 (2005), a tablet with a slide-out keyboard, is the spitting image of the titanium G4. Presumably Bell failed to persuade Ive and Jobs to release it as an Apple product.

Merz's name has popped up a few times since the G4 - it seems that he filed some patents that were used in the later iPhone - but on the whole Bell, Merz, and Delulis are yesterday's men, forgotten men. In future it will be remembered that Ive oversaw the design of the titanium G4, and then it will be remembered that Ive designed the titanium G4.


Running VLC. Some men look good in suits, some men do not (it seems that Turkish and Scottish men do).

Early-2000s Apple was translucent, but the professional laptop range skipped that period. The pre-Jobs G3 PowerBook remained on sale through the translucent era, and by the time of the titanium G4 Apple had moved on. Apple's consumer-level laptop, the iBook, began life with a translucent case, but this felt like a mistake and was quickly abandoned in favour of the minimalist white G3 iBooks, which have aged well. When I think of the archetypal mid-2000s "blogging in Starbucks" laptop I actually think of a G4 iBook rather than one of the PowerBook machines.

To my eye the titanium G4 is almost a great design. The plastic border surrounding the body ruins it; the hinges at the back of the machine look ugly, like parts of a hot water boiler; the thick body and thin screen looks odd from the side, because the lid doesn't quite mirror the base. On the other hand the screen itself is excellent. The thin border is still very narrow by modern standards, and from the right angle the colours and backlighting are consistent across the screen. The G4's titanium panels are apparently not very robust, and the body tends to accumulate dents and scrapes. The hinges were notoriously weak. Dents on the lid can press against the back of the LCD panel, short-circuiting it; used titanium G4s often end up with spurious vertical lines on the screen because of this.

Technology-wise the titanium G4 went through three basic iterations, each one better than the last. The original 400-500mhz models had an 1152x768 screen, VGA out, a 100mhz system bus, a rubbish graphics card, headphone audio out but no audio in except for a microphone. There was an airport wi-fi card available as an option. The transitional 550-667mhz models introduced a high-speed gigabit ethernet port, with the 667mhz model upping the bus to 133mhz. This is the model I have. Did Apple think that laptop owners cared about high-speed ethernet? I have no idea. The transitional models came with Airport wi-fi as standard, although the original Airport uses an older wi-fi protocol that doesn't support modern encryption, so in practice I use a USB wi-fi dongle instead.

The final, 667-800-867-1ghz models increased the resolution to 1280x854, and added a DVI port that could drive a 2k, 2048x1536 monitor, although nobody said "2k" back in 2002. All models came with analogue 56K modems and s-video output, which is antiquated nowadays. There were detail differences - the later models added audio in and stronger hinges - but otherwise the case remained the same. They can all be upgraded to a maximum of 1gb of memory and will officially run OS X 10.4.11, which hasn't been supported for several years, and unofficially OS X 10.5, which also hasn't been supported etc. OS X 10.4 is the last version of OS X that officially ran on pre-G5 PowerPC Macintoshes, and it still has a wide range of applications. Browsers are awkward however. Chrome post-dated 10.4 and was never released for it; Firefox ended support for 10.4 many moons ago. There is a fan-made port of modern Firefox to 10.4 - TenFourFox - but it's very slow on my machine. I tend to use Safari, which also isn't supported but is very fast.

On the whole the range only improved as it went on, and if you want a Titanium G4 nowadays for your collection there's no reason not to buy the best 1ghz model you can afford. Getting hold of OS X 10.4 is difficult nowadays, so try to find a G4 that comes with the original system disks. I replaced the hard drive in mine, cloning the original slow 4800rpm drive in the process, and I keep the original hard drive as a backup.

The G4's ports are hidden behind a flip-down cover. From left to right FireWire, Ethernet, USB 1.0 x 2, cooling grate, Atari joystick port VGA, screws, S-video, PMU reset button, 56K modem, IRDA infrared-red port..

Apple
I'm old enough to remember when Apple was stereotyped as a frivolous brand for the terminally hip. A company that made things for people with more money than sense. A kind of weird cult for shallow people. Who worshipped it with an almost religious fervour.

Things were very different in the 1980s and 1990s. Apple was fashionable, but it was a different kind of fashion; nowadays Apple gear is fashionable in the same way that fashion is fashionable - it's sexy, young, exciting and cute. The gear is cheaper and people have more money, and young people can aspire to owning it. In the 1980s and 1990s however Macintoshes were very expensive and had a Scandinavian air of high seriousness. They were Ikea-fashionable, worthy-fashionable, Raspberry Pi-fashionable. And stereotypes have changed. In Apple's early days computer nerds were poxy schoolboys, and designers were thirtysomething men who wore Miami Vice suits. Apple in the 1980s was the tidy beard of Timothy Busfield, star of television's thirtysomething. The hipster Nathan Barley figure that people associated with Apple in the 2000s didn't exist in the 1980s.

And computers have changed. Nowadays everybody has a computer of some form or another. Your parents have computers. The internet made computers relevant for the great mass of people. Men like the internet because of porn. Women can look at pictures of cute cats. Transgendered people can do both of those things. In the pre-internet age computers were a minority taste; most people didn't need one. In the 1980s Apple's machines appealed to wealthy middle-aged types who had chosen the easiest degrees. English professors, marketing people, designers and the like. While you and I spent hours tinkering with CONFIG.SYS and AUTOEXEC.BAT in order to free up enough memory to load a laser printer driver, these shallow lamers went on holiday, had jobs, and wasted their evenings having meals in restaurants with ladies. You and I owned a computer so we could tinker with computers, whereas Macintosh fans owned a computer so they could do stuff. Non-computery stuff. Reports and things. I don't know what people did with Macs before the internet.

In the 1990s Macintoshes were sold in generic computer shops rather than dedicated Apple stores, and Apple had a programme whereby Mac fans could hang around these shops, showing people how to use Macintoshes, in exchange for a t-shirt. Think of the kind of men who evangelise Linux today, now imagine them making a beeline towards you when you go to the shop, so that they can talk to about about Macintoshes; you would run a mile, and I wouldn't be surprised if they did more harm than good. While researching this paragraph I stumbled on this forum thread from October 2001, in which a Macintosh fan stalks a woman. One of his friends chimes in with "I just told my future girlfriend how to use smilies an hour ago". My future girlfriend. "I just showed a woman I've barely spoken to how to use smilies, I hope she rewards me with sex, and if she doesn't then women are awful because they friendzone me all the time I'm not surprised they get raped etc".

But what about the machines? The problem with evaluating Apple's hardware is that it's hard to separate the computers from the Macintosh ecosystem. Compared to the contemporary Atari ST and particularly the Commodore Amiga, Apple's 1980s hardware was nothing special. But the Macintosh ecosystem encompassed the operating system, a consistent cross-application interface, plus the LaserWriter, the seamless networking, Apple's particular weltanschauung, PageMaker. All of this could have been implemented by Commodore or Atari, and in fact Atari had the Calamus DTP package and an own-brand laser printer, but Apple was more committed. If Apple had, for some reason, licensed Jay Miner's Amiga as the basis for the Macintosh, the Mac would have been a better machine; but in our world this did not happen, and in general the Macintosh system-as-a-system was ahead of the curve, until the PC ecosystem caught up. It took a long time for the PC to catch up, but as with the open source development model, once it finally did catch up it had enormous inertia on its side and swept most of the competition away.

Apple originally toyed with the idea of making the Macintosh a mass-market product, but decided in the 1980s to aim for the mid-high-end market, and so although the company made hefty profits the machines simply weren't very widespread. The general public could go through life without ever using one or even seeing one. This gave Apple machines something of a mystique, although as time went on it became a hindrance. Developers turned away from the platform, because the effort involved in porting software for the Macintosh was only rewarded with access to a small market of Macintoshes. Apple's strategy even started to backfire. At a time when computer hardware was inexorably diminishing in price, Macintoshes came to seem extravagantly overpriced. The company's attempt to launch cheaper models resulted in the LC and Classic ranges, which were technically retrograde but sold well, especially to the education market. This had the unfortunate effect of reinforcing the perception that Apple hardware wasn't worth the price. For the average student in the computer lab, Apple in the 1990s was not the fast Quadra 840AV or one of the new PowerPC models, it was the ratty old LC II sitting in the corner, with its tiny 12" monitor, that together cost more than a fast 386 with a bigger monitor, more memory, a larger hard drive, more software, Doom at a pinch.

Apple's original operating system was undeniably more sophisticated than DOS shells and pre-95 Windows, and although the Amiga was more advanced, Commodore had none of Apple's commitment and passion. Apple pushed the Macintosh as if it was the company's last chance, whereas Commodore launched the Amiga in the hope it might stick; ditto Atari and the ST, although Atari tried harder to target businesses. For a few years the ST sold well as a kind of cheap mini-Macintosh, especially in Germany, and both the ST and Amiga had their own niches. I mention the Amiga and ST because those two platforms had the same basic architecture as the Macintosh, and in another world they might have won. Atari, Apple, and Commodore had similar histories, at first selling a popular 8-bit home computer before transitioning to 16-bit designs. But Apple was always slightly ahead of the pack. This by itself was not a guarantee of success. Xerox had been even further ahead of the pack; the computer world is littered with pioneers whose dreams came to nought. What separated Apple was an iron will, and an understanding that being early to bed and early to rise was no jolly good if you didn't advertise, to paraphrase Captian Mainwaring from Dad's Army. Apple's adverts of the 1980s were simple affairs with bold text that emphasised the benefits of the Apple system, at a time when computer adverts generally consisted of a photograph of some PC components with some text that emphasised the low, low price. Apple's adverts were run in newspapers and magazines rather than just the specialist press; on one memorable occasion the company even advertised on TV.

The Amiga and ST never came close to the sales figures of the Macintosh. They flopped in the United States; the US audience generally preferred games consoles for games and an IBM PC for work, and looking back through old issues of Infoworld and PC Magazine it seems that neither Commodore nor Atari set any money aside for marketing. Here in the UK the ST and Amiga were popular, but the UK is a very small market. The irony is that although the Macintosh became stereotyped as a multimedia machine for multimedia types, its graphics and sound capabilities were very basic compared to the Amiga. The 1985 Amiga had a technical lead right up until the 1987 Macintosh II, which cost over $5,000 (the colour monitor itself cost more than a contemporary Amiga system). As a publicity stunt Commodore sent an Amiga off to Andy Warhol, who tinkered with it, although the company seemed to give up on marketing it to artists or indeed marketing it at all thereafter. Despite Commodore's indifference it was adopted by the television industry for TV graphics and transitions, and eventually 3D animation, at a time when Macintoshes were essentially just desktop publishing machines. Meanwhile the Atari ST dominated music production, because it had built-in MIDI ports and Cubase, and it was a fraction the price of a Fairlight. Ultimately both Commodore and Atari were swept aside by the PC.

The two companies were run by hard-nosed businessmen who wanted to sell "to the masses, not the classes". In fact they were run by the same hard-nosed businessman - Jack Tramiel, who founded Commodore but left the company under a cloud in 1984. By all accounts Tramiel had Steve Jobs' abrasiveness but none of his charm and, like Britain's Alan Sugar, he was essentially a shrewd opportunist who just happened to gravitate to the computing industry. His abrasiveness was legendary and permeated Commodore, although it was not hard to see where it came from. He was born Jack Trzmiel in Poland in 1928 to a Jewish family. Tramiel and his parents were rounded up by the Nazis in 1939 and sent to the ghetto in Łódź, and thence to Auschwitz. The family was separated, with Tramiel and his father being sent to a work camp while his mother remained behind. Tramiel's father died. By some miracle his mother survived. He was eventually rescued in 1945. I spent my teenage years going to school, he spent his teenage years being forced at gunpoint to work himself to death. I imagine that must have eroded away his faith in humanity.

In 1984 Warner wanted to get rid of their loss-making Atari division, and so they gave it to Tramiel for a pittance, which led to a peculiar situation where Atari's new ST was designed by ex-Commodore people working for the former boss of Commodore, while Commodore's Amiga was based on a design created by ex-Atari people who had left because they didn't like Tramiel. Although it's easy to feel sympathetic for Tramiel's personal history, as a businessman his approach traded a shot at future glory for short-term gain. It's certainly feasible to continue targeting the low-end market indefinitely, and lots of visionary companies have gone bust chasing a dream, but it takes hard work to win the commodity end of the market, and with slim margins only a couple of failures can destroy a company. Commodore and Atari had several failures; the magic left them, then the money, and then they were no more.

The lovely palmrests. You press the black buttons with your fingers and symbols appear on the screen. Some combinations of symbols form words; some combinations of words can make people cry or give them a hard-on or make them angry or inform them that they have an appointment to see the dentist on a certain date.

OS X
The last time I used a Macintosh in anger it was a Macintosh Classic running System 6. It dated from a period in Apple's history when the company sold a range of cut-down machines at a price that was still very high. On the arrogant assumption that the general public would pay for the Macintosh operating system because it was posh. My high school had bought a room full of Classics in order to teach us desktop publishing with PageMaker, which is forgotten now but was the market leader in the pre-Quark days; a second room had some IBM PC clones running Windows/386, plus what was probably MSDOS 3 and a mixture of dBase and WordPerfect. Even at an early age we were taught that Macintoshes were effete and dainty and that PCs were tough and unsentimental.

My impression was that the PC clones could do most of the things that the Macintoshes could do - Flying Toasters excepted - but the Macintoshes were easier to use and a lot more elegant; it took me no time to get used to Aldus PageMaker, which I learned by looking at the menus and clicking things and trying things out. If I had done that with a PC, it would have crashed. I could probably have used WordPerfect for DOS to emulate the functionality of PageMaker, but it would have been difficult, and the effort involved would have been effort that could have been spent improving the document. Although I had no part in setting up the Macintoshes, I imagine that they were put on the desks, hooked up to a server with cables, switched on, and they just worked, whereas the IT staff had to spend their weekend getting the PCs to talk with each other.

I distinctly recall the Classic's pin-sharp black and white screen, and the fact that you could turn the machines on by pressing a button on the keyboard rather than by flicking a physical power switch. This seems silly nowadays but it felt like magic at the time. On the whole the Macintosh felt like a complete, well-thought-out system rather than a bag of bits. It had meaning. It felt real and permanent, in a world otherwise composed of transient rubbish. I can understand why Apple attracted damaged people. Divorcees, the mentally ill, alcoholics, drug addicts. They have bleak, empty lives of self-pity and self-hate, largely devoid of purpose and meaning, sleeping in a sleeping bag in the office, sitting in McDonald's until the hotel room has been cleaned; the Macintosh gave them something pure and untainted to restore their faith. As I gazed upon the Mac Classic's ADB keyboard and its software-controlled power button I imagined that I was Gustav, from Thomas Mann's Death in Venice, gazing upon the beautiful Tadzio. There was beauty in this world, beauty I could never have, beauty I would probably destroy if I touched, probably destroy if it was aware of my gaze. That is why men dress up as women in those hideous rubber masks; they want to be beautiful, not so much for the looks, but because they adore the concept of beauty. They cannot accept that there are things beyond their grasp.

The original Macintosh operating system evolved from the early, single-tasking Finder into Mac OS 9, which was very attractive but had some major limitations - no multi-user support, unimpressive multi-tasking, poor memory management, constant crashes. Apple attempted to replace it with an in-house project called Copland, but although Apple was a large company, it was split into several different departments, and the operating system division had neither the resources nor the authority to make Copland work. OS X was essentially a fresh start, a completely new operating system bought in from outside the company. It was launched in parallel with the Titanium G4, and although it took a few years to win the hearts of Apple fans it was technically solid, and is by all accounts an excellent operating system.

In the past it was often opined that Apple's focus on making its own computers by itself was misguided, and that it should have instead developed a Macintosh standard that other manufactures could use. In 1985, a year after the Macintosh had been launched, Bill Gates wrote to Apple's John Sculley to argue the case that Apple should open up the Macintosh standard and encourage the development of third-party clones. We tend to think of Microsoft and Apple as bitter arch-enemies, but for most of their history they competed in different fields; even Windows itself does not directly compete with the Macintosh, because it was never intended for Macintosh hardware. That Windows PCs came to outsell Macintoshes by a huge margin was, I suspect, incidental, besides which the IBM PC had been outselling Macintoshes even before Windows came along.

Gates' memo implied that HP, Wang, DEC, TI etc should launch their own Macintosh-compatible machines. Would they have done so, even if Apple had asked them? A Catch 22 would have been in effect - the Macintosh market was small because there were no cheap Macintoshes, but why build cheap Macintosh clones for such a small market? My hunch is that Apple would have charged steep licensing fees, and that a Wang-intosh would have been a pile of junk, and that the Mac clones would have quickly died out. Apple did try the idea many years later, with essentially the result I have just outlined. It's tempting in retrospect to assume that Bill Gates had a nefarious purpose to his memo, but I suspect he had a soft spot for Apple hardware and wanted Apple to do more to justify Microsoft spending money developing for the platform.

OS X runs on the same architecture as my desktop x86 PC, but sadly Apple doesn't officially let people install OS X on non-Apple computers. Given the tepid response to Windows 8, you have to wonder whether OS X for Intel at a knock-down price would have sold well and expanded the OS X ecosystem. But which major PC manufacturer would have been brave enough to sell PCs with OS X, thus dooming their relationship with Microsoft? But is Microsoft the tyrannical giant-killer that it once was? I assume Apple has thought about all of this and whispered no, but it's a shame that OS X is restricted to Apple computers. It seems locked into an ever-narrowing niche, as Apple fans transition to the iPad, and there will come a time when further development of OS X is just not economical. As the Cloud Age advances upon us the choice of desktop OS is increasingly irrelevant, in which case OS X faces strong competition from Google Chrome and Android.

On a technological level OS X is fundamentally UNIX with a fancy graphical shell. Almost a kind of Linux distribution, albeit that it is actual official UNIX. OS X was originally developed with the same basic look as the original Macintosh OS, but by the time of launch it had a new interface design, Aqua. My recollection of the OS X launch is that everybody fixated on that. It had buttons that looked like tiny droplets of water, and brushed metal menu bars, and in general it was a visual analogue of the translucent, candy-coloured Macintoshes. The Aqua look became a target for mockery and Apple eventually toned it down. OS X 10.4.11 is positively restrained in comparison to earlier versions. Its simple menus and low-key icons complement the titanium G4 very well. The animations can be turned off, the menus are neat and simple, it's less silly than Windows Aero.

I like OS X. Version 10.4 was designed for hardware twice as fast as my titanium G4, with twice as much memory, but it has never crashed, the audio system works well, it eats up the USB peripherals I have chucked at it - it just seems to get them working instantly - and in general it doesn't become choppy and unresponsive when too much is going on. My assumption is that subsequent versions of OS X running on more powerful hardware are even better.

It's striking how flexible OS X has been. It was originally designed for single-core, single-processor 32-bit PowerPC systems running at 400mhz, with 128mb of memory. Since then it has been made to work on a huge range of configurations, nowadays settling on quad and eight-core 64-bit Intel machines running in a post-ghz era, with gigabytes of memory and SSDs. The iPad and later iPods use iOS, which is built on the same fundamental UNIX kernel as OS X, with different components layered on top. OS X 10.2 Jaguar and OS 10.9 Mavericks are of course very different beasts, and XP supports a wide range of hardware as well, but still, in my opinion OS X was the right decision on a technical level.

I'm not too keen on some of OS X's interface elements. The Windows XP-era start menu and taskbar are good designs that work well; OS X 10.4 has nothing that combines the thoroughness of the start menu with the intuitiveness of the taskbar. Little things are irritating, too - OS X has no simple maximise button, no obvious "cut" command, it puts the machine to sleep when you close the lid, whether you want to or not, etc. The " and @ keys are swapped. Windows Explorer is a better file manager than the Finder. These are little things.

Still, it works, it works well, it's fast and smooth. Unlike Linux it supports a wide range of applications that I want to use; Logic in particular is very impressive, you get a lot for your money. OS X 10.4.11 dates from 2005, and I remember using Ubuntu around that time. I had to extract the firmware from my broadband modem using Windows and port it to Ubuntu before it would work, and then in order to get widescreen monitor support I had to edit xorg.conf - a text file - and meanwhile Ubuntu fans were telling the world that Ubuntu was a drop-in replacement for Windows. They are a bunch of ideologically-driven liars with tiny, highly-focused minds. My hunch is that Linux fans use Linux so that they can tweak Linux, and that for the most part their genuinely productive work consists of text editing, which is not a great advert for Linux. They seem to believe that if Logic or Ableton is not available for Linux, people should simply not create music, or not use a computer at all, ditto Photoshop and image editing.

Incidentally, I used this particular G4 to write the last couple of posts, largely because the palmrests are fantastic and the screen is lovely. The palmrests are just painted metal, but they feel smooth and warm. The keyboard isn't lit in any way. It's a bit rubbery but it is anchored well. I can type for extended periods with it.

Is it me writing, or the drugs? There is a battle for supremacy that will not end until one of us is dead, except that drugs cannot die because they are a substance. I use Bean, a simple text editor, which runs quickly, which appeals to me because my mind runs quickly. Could I have done all of this with my desktop PC? Yes, undoubtedly, but writing is a creative act, and I have to be in the mood. The G4's smooth palmrests get me in the mood. I like to move my hands over them. I like to feel good.

The Register's design never changes.

PowerPC
The titanium G4 was one of Apple's PowerPC machines. The original Macintoshes were powered by Motorola 68000 chips, but in the 1990s Apple, IBM, and Motorola - the AIM Alliance - felt that they could do better. Working together they came up with the new PowerPC architecture, a fresh start based on then-novel RISC technology. PowerPC was fast enough to run 68000 applications under emulation, and did more work than the new Pentium at a given clock speed. It was cheaper to make, used less power and generated less heat, although the last two factors were mostly ignored at the time. The G4 in my G4 is a low-power version of the 7450 that uses either half or two-thirds the electricity of contemporary, comparable Pentium III Mobiles. As a consequence the titanium G4 gets about four, five hours out of the battery, which is still not bad.

Nowadays people care about heat output and power consumption, but my recollection is that until the mid-2000s it was simply accepted that computers should be hot, hungry beasts with eight fans. In contrast the G4 Cube of 2001 was released without a fan at all, because Steve Jobs wanted his machines to be quiet and cool, and at the time it seemed like a silly affectation. The titanium G4 has a fan, but it only runs when the machine gets really hot. Otherwise the titanium case acts as a heatsink. This creates something of a paradox. PowerPC Macintoshes generated less heat than contemporary Pentiums, but the machines often ran very warm because their cooling was less aggressive. Apple eventually had to abandon this philosophy when it became apparent that the only way to keep the G4 competitive was to speed it up, and later G4 desktops were notorious for having very loud fans, at which point the PowerPC architecture was obviously in trouble.

The AIM Alliance had high hopes for PowerPC. It was supposed to replace x86, and by the year 2000 businessmen would be running Windows NT and OS/2 on their PowerPC computers while Macintosh owners would run the Macintosh OS on PowerPC Macintoshes, and it would be easy to port applications from one platform to the other because there was a common PowerPC standard, and there would be PowerPC UNIX workstations and PowerPC cash machines and PowerPC space probes and the Intel x86 would be just like whiny little Pluto, crying out in space because it can't go into the planet club any more boo hoo because it's not a planet it's a stunted little speck of dirt. But the AIM Alliance fumbled the ball, which was immediately kicked out of their hands, or perhaps they never came close to grabbing the ball, I don't know. IBM seemed to fumble the ball the most. The company still makes POWER chips for its server range, and my hunch is that they were more interested in developing high-power chips for the servers than piddling little low-power chips for Apple's silly laptops. IBM recently sold its server division, and it is generally assumed that POWER is not long for this world.

Eventually the biggest threat to Intel's dominance wasn't the AIM Alliance at all, it was AMD, and then only briefly; and a few years later it was ARM, and that drama has not yet played out. PowerPC ended up in a few games consoles and lots of Macintoshes, and it was always a good mobile chip, which made sense for Apple given the success of the PowerBook range. On the whole it was a worthwhile idea but it might have been so much more. In a way the dream of the AIM alliance came true - modern Macintoshes can run OS X and Windows, and two platforms use a common ports at the very least - but it was a long and winding road that seems to have been navigated in the dark.

In the context of Macintoshes the early PowerPC chips were wasted on a bunch of anonymous machines that nobody remembers. The G3 generation was part of Apple's renaissance; the G4, to my mind, is the definitive PowerPC. It was the apotheosis of the design and sadly its peak. The titanium G4 reached 1ghz in late 2002, but three years later, when the G4 was finally laid to rest, it had only progressed to 1.67ghz. In theory the G5 should have taken over, but IBM never managed to design a satisfactory mobile version of the G5, and so Apple's PowerPC laptop range ended with a G4.

The G4 desktops dealt with the performance bottleneck by using multiple processors, but by the time of the G5 the PowerPC was starting to reach a point of diminishing returns. And in practical terms although the PowerPC was generally competitive with Intel chips, it never reached a point where it was inarguably better. The 667mhz G4 in the desktop contemporaries of my PowerBook is supposedly on a par with a 1ghz Pentium III, especially if the Macintosh application uses the G4's Altivec floating point engine, but by that time the Pentium III was hitting 1.2ghz and 1.4ghz, and the even faster Pentium 4 was available. The G4 may well have been more efficient, but what did that matter if the end result was still slower? The G5 was competitive, but it was also very hot and power-hungry, and Intel's Core Duo architecture was inarguably better.

It's fascinating to imagine what might have happened if Apple had turned down the G5 and abandoned the PowerPC earlier. In the early to mid 2000s Intel's biggest competition came from AMD. At the time, the Pentium 4 seemed very expensive for what you got; the AMD Athlon and Athlon 64 were cheaper and outperformed it. Given AMD's subsequent history, an Apple-AMD alliance would probably have been a bad idea, but if Apple had turned down the G5 and opted for the AMD Athlon 64 instead it would surely have given AMD a shot in the arm. Would a few hundred thousand more sales have helped AMD? Probably not, and I imagine that Apple would have ended up wedded to the wrong partner, although they could always have dumped AMD in favour of the Core Duo and its heirs. OS X had apparently been ported to the x86 architecture several years before the switch was announced, so that would have been less of a problem than it seems. It's ancient history now.

I have an old Pentium III laptop, a ThinkPad 600X running at 500mhz. It's a year older than the G4 and belongs to an earlier generation. It has a single USB port, a much dimmer 1024x768 screen, a maximum memory limit of just over half a gigabyte. Physically it feels a lot more robust. It's made of glass fibre-reinforced plastic. The lid stays rigid, whereas the G4's lid wobbles back and forth because it's made of very thin metal. The G4's battery lasts longer. The two machines weigh more or less the same. It's an unfair comparison, but for the sake of completeness the G4 feels a lot faster, even with half the memory (mine originally came with 256mb, and I only managed to expand it to 1gb after most of this post had been written; the music above was made with a 256mb machine). OS X loads up and then gets out of the way, whereas XP SP3 has a nasty habit of booting to the desktop - and then continuing to boot.

Are Apple fans nostalgic for the PowerPC? It seemed to reach an ignominious end. From my perspective, as a PC owner, Apple announced the new G5 as if it was God's gift to mankind, and then almost overnight the G5 and the PowerPC architecture were gone. I pity anyone who paid money for one of the later, faster G5 machines. They had a liquid cooling system that was prone to leaks, so not only have they depreciated like mad they probably don't work any more.

Envoi
Apple's history as a computer company, rather than as a consumer electronics giant, is a long and melancholic story that defies summarisation. Like Mercedes and Wright, Apple played an instrumental part in the development of a new industry; it still exists and is doing well, which is impressive given that the industry is vastly different. When Mercedes was founded cars were exclusive toys of wealthy people, but within twenty years they were mass-market commodities. Nonetheless there is still a demand for Mercedes saloons, and people will pay more for them, and they are genuinely good cars. And of course Apple now targets several different markets, whereas Mercedes is still fundamentally an automobile manufacturer. A history of Apple would be a history of the consumer computer industry, a massive undertaking. The titanium G4 was one of the key products that helped Apple survive during a period when it had staved off collapse but was not yet dominant, and along with OS X it showed that Apple was still fighting. And yet in a way it was all for nothing, because despite OS X and an impressive product portfolio, Apple's share of the home computer market has actually declined since the 1990s. But the market is much larger, there are other markets, and domination of the PC market no longer seems the victory it once was.

The Apple Macintosh range began with a single, desktop machine, an all-in-one that remained on sale largely unchanged for a couple of years. The range expanded to include tower machines, plus a series of laptops that almost became an entirely separate line; in the 1990s it briefly seemed that Apple would abandon desktops in favour of PowerBooks and Newtons. As of late 2014 the Macintosh range consists of a professional tower that feels superfluous, a kind of budget home media server, and an all-in-one iMac with a fantastic screen that everybody wants. The 5K iMac is essentially the direct heir of the original Macintosh, and I can't think of another computer company that has managed to successfully sell the same concept for thirty years, certainly not without coming across as a throwback. Ultimately computers exist to serve mankind, and mankind - including women, who are basically men - has not changed since 1984. We breathe the same air and have the same desires.

What will Apple be like, thirty years from now? In the future of 2044 we will travel by downloading our bodies into 3D printers at our destination, except that we won't travel because there will be no reason to do so; instead we will sit at home and send our drones to go on holiday for us, except that every square inch of the world will have been photographed and everything will be the same, so we will probably just sit at home in front of the television. Thirty years from now computers will have generated every text, thought every thought, produced every creative work possible in this universe, and all of humanity will exist as a set of symbols engraved on a silicon chip embedded in an asteroid slowly making its way to the site of the Big Bang, in the hope that it might re-enter the cosmic womb and become unborn. Short pause Apple something-or-other. Apple.

Sunday, 28 October 2012

Windows 8 on an old laptop

On the left, XP SP3 on a Thinkpad X60. On the right, Windows 8 on a Thinkpad X61.

"Some things in life are bad", sang Eric Idle, in the classic comedy film Life of Brian (1979). "They can really make you mad; other things just make you swear and curse". Which brings me to Windows 8, the latest version of Microsoft's popular PC operating system. Over the last year or so it has provoked lots of swearing and cursing, and people have got mad about it. Is it as bad as they say? After a lengthy evaluation period it was launched to the public a couple of days ago, and so - as a member of the public myself - I decided to see what it was like. See, and hear. But not touch, because I don't have a touch-screen computer.

My conclusion is that most of the criticism is waffle. Windows 8 has quirks; everything has quirks. The same people who have no problem typing sudo grub2-install --recheck --root-directory=/ /dev/sda to get things done suddenly find it appalling that people have to move their mouse to a slightly different part of the screen. Thanks for reading, goodbye.

Rather than bother my main computer - which runs Windows 7, and is doing perfectly fine - I installed it on one of my laptops, a Lenovo Thinkpad X61 running Windows XP. The X61 was launched in 2007, and is a Core II Duo machine running at 2.0ghz, with a 1024x768 screen. If you're an Apple fan, the specification is very similar to the second wave of Intel Macbooks. My X61 was originally shipped with 512mb of memory, but has since been expanded to 3gb. Apart from the resolution these specifications are more than enough for Windows 8.

With half a dozen tabs in Firefox, and GIMP running in the background, this elderly hardware - launched just as Facebook was becoming the hot new thing - is just ticking along.

Windows 8 is a kind of franchise reboot for Microsoft. Franchise reboots have been all the rage recently, and not just in Hollywood. Open source operating system Ubuntu had a soft franchise reboot in late 2011, when it adopted a controversial new interface. Back in 2006 - one year after Batman Begins revived the Batman franchise in top form - Apple made an even more drastic change when it rebooted its Macintosh range with a new range of Intel-based processors. This is a tenuous metaphor which I will immediately abandon. Let's move on to the next paragraph.

Whilst all that was going on Microsoft was going through a bad patch. The company was finding it hard to move on from Windows XP, which had been launched way back in 2001. Pre-XP versions of Windows generally had one or more fundamental issues that made them feel incomplete. NT was stable but incompatible with lots of hardware, whereas 95/98/Me were widely-supported but prone to falling over like a drunken old man. XP unified the two codebases, and although it had numerous issues at first, a couple of service packs polished it to a plateau of general competence. Even today, in 2012, it apparently runs on roughly 40% of PCs, which is an impressive feat of longevity.

On a personal level I still have XP installed on a couple of machines, and I only upgraded to Windows 7 because I wanted to move to a freshly-installed 64-bit operating system running on new hardware, not because XP was an obsolete pile of junk. On a conceptual level XP still has problems - a poor security model is the most obvious - but otherwise it works on a huge range of hardware and can run on relatively modest computers. It was very popular with netbooks, for example, which frustrated Microsoft, because XP's designated successor ran poorly on low-spec hardware.

Microsoft's first attempt to replace XP was originally called Longhorn. It had an unusually long development cycle, spanning the first half of the 2000s, and was eventually torn to bits and reborn in 2007 as Windows Vista, after several delays.

I was alive then and I can remember the launch. It didn't impress me much. It didn't have the moves and it certainly didn't have the touch. It didn't keep me warm in the middle of the night, because I didn't buy a copy. It definitely wasn't Brad Pitt. That's enough of Shania Twain. Vista's major new innovation seemed to be Aero, a flashy graphical interface that had transparent windows. There was some controversy as to whether it was a massive resource hog, or not - but I don't like the idea of the operating system taking up resources that should go to Photoshop instead. And otherwise Vista seemed to offer nothing new, so I skipped it.

Lots of people skipped Vista. There were widespread concerns that it was bloated and user-hostile. To be fair, plenty of computery types were desperate for Microsoft to fail, and were happy to put the boot in. With Vista, the seagulls (critics) finally had a chance to peck at the sardines (to criticise) that had been thrown into the water (the PC ecosystem) by the trawler (Microsoft), and also there were sharks in the water, swimming around, waiting for the sardines too, so that basically as the sardines flew through the air they were pecked at by the seagulls and then when they sank into the water the sharks got them. There was blood everywhere - fish blood - and it smelled horrible.

Microsoft's trawler sailed on, although I imagine that the man who was in charge of throwing sardines out the back was given a stern talking-to by the skipper. Vista's successor was launched only two years later, in 2009, at which point the trawler had entered calmer waters. Windows 7 was by most accounts Windows Vista done right. It proved to be very popular, and is currently overtaking XP in terms of PC installations. XP is on a gentle downwards slope into retirement.

XP, Vista, and 7 were united by their interface, which boiled down to a desktop screen with a bar at the bottom that showed all the programs that were running at the time. In the bottom-right there were some status icons and a clock. In the bottom-left there was a Start button that popped open a menu that launched applications and recently used documents. The interface made its debut in 1995, with Windows 95, and was generally unproblematic. Microsoft was very proud of it at the time.

Windows 8 does things differently. Instead of a start button, it has a dedicated start screen, which can also run applications independently of the desktop. The start screen is unusually functional in this respect; if you just want to surf the internet or watch movies you don't have to use the desktop at all. Unless you want to surf the internet and watch movies at the same time, because multi-tasking is awkward on the start screen. Still, you can turn on the PC and - paf - you're in the start screen, clicking on tiles and doing stuff without bothering with that computery stuff with directories and so on that they had in the past.

The start screen is clearly modelled on the interfaces that drive tablets, and Microsoft hopes that Windows 8 will go great guns in that market. The company also makes a Windows 8-esque operating system for mobile phones - Windows Phone 8 - which shares the start screen interface. On the PC the idea of a full-screen launcher isn't new. Apple's mid-1990s At Ease and Packard Bell's contemporary Navigator had a similar concept, and more recently the custom interface for the popular Asus Eee netbook wasn't all that different. Windows 8's start screen is slicker than any of those examples, and much more functional. It has nonetheless come in for a huge amount of criticism, mainly because of the context; the Eee was a portable netbook intended to surf the internet and take notes, and not much else - even though it could, at a pinch - whereas Windows 8 is intended for general-purpose desktop machines. An attractive, tablet-esque launcher seems faintly ridiculous on a computer otherwise used to run Autocad. Having used it, I am of the opinion that it needs work, but it's not nearly as bad as internet commentators opine, and indeed you can, for the most part, ignore it.

Previews of Windows 8 have been around for months, but I didn't want to tie up a machine with something that might be rubbish, and I have a long-standing aversion to version nought point anything of anything. It's like looking at a lady before she has put on her makeup. Although I've read about it, I haven't actually, you know, done it yet. So I put it on my X61, which is almost but not quite fully compatible with Windows 8. The limitation is the screen resolution, 1024x768. This is slightly smaller than the 1366x768 resolution quoted as the minimum.  In practice Windows 8 installs and works fine; the only functional omission is snap, which allows for two start screen applications to appear on the screen simultaneously.

Snap, running on an external monitor

It's no great loss, because snap isn't very useful. When turned on, one of the two applications has a fixed width of 320 pixels, which is a curious limitation. And I can't say I have ever used two start screen applications at the same time - beyond the example above - so it's irrelevant anyway. Even if you were just free to split the screen up horizontally it would be more handy - movie in the top window, internet in the bottom. But no. Not yet.

Microsoft's Popular PC Operating System

Odd word, popular. The Beatles were popular. They sold a lot of records, and people liked them. Madonna has sold a lot of records too, even though lots of people detest her. In the 1980s she was dismissed as a flash-in-the-pan copy of Cyndi Lauper. People liked Cyndi Lauper, but even her fans had to admit that she only had two great pop singles in her before she started doing schmaltzy ballads. If there was a boxing match between The Immaculate Collection and Twelve Deadly Cyns, people would feel sorry for Cyns, and it would be knocked out in the first round. The lesson is that you don't necessarily have to be of-the-people to be popular.

If you owned a PC during the last thirty years, it probably ran one of Microsoft's operating systems. DOS in the early days; Windows 3.1 and 95 in the 1990s; of late Windows XP and Windows 7. At work you might have used Windows NT, or 2000. By and large most people didn't think about the operating system their machine ran. It was there, it worked. For all the opprobium slung at Microsoft, their operating systems have generally worked. You turned on the computer, logged on to your corporate network, opened up Word or whatever proprietary application you used and it loaded and ran. You tried to print stuff and it didn't work, but that wasn't necessarily Microsoft's fault.

At home the story was the same. You played games under Windows XP, and used the same applications that you used during the day. Your printer worked most of the time, except that occasionally it just stopped working for no reason. But you survived. The computer you bought at PC World came with Windows something-or-other on it but you didn't care, you had more important things to worry out. Mortgages, relationships, work.

There are a few portions of the electronic spectrum that a Microsoft operating system has not dominated. Mobile phones, for example. Throughout the 1990s and 2000s mobile phones ran their own proprietary operating systems; now they tend to run Google's open source Android or Apple's very own iOS. Microsoft makes a mobile phone operating system as well, but it is nowhere close to dominating the market. The company hopes that Windows Phone 8 will slowly change that.

And there are tablets, the wonder-products of the last few years. The irony is that Microsoft was pushing tablet versions of Windows long before the iPad was a gleam in Apple's eye. The original IBM Thinkpad 700T of 1992, for example, could run a tablet-optimised version of Windows 3.1; Microsoft revived the concept in 2002 and again in 2005. For a variety of reasons none of them took off. By the time Apple had a go, in 2010, the hardware had advanced enough to cram a powerful computer into an attractive, lightweight slice of aluminium. Apple had an application market up and ready, and the iPad was a smashing success. Nowadays everybody wants a slice of the tablet pie, Microsoft included, and Windows 8 is their... big spoon, or something. The applications are whipped cream (or gravy, if it's a meaty pie). What are the peas? Not sure. Your mouth, your teeth, your gullet are the consumer marketplace. What is your toe? It's the public transport network, of course!

In the tablet and mobile phone markets Microsoft is in the unfamiliar position of playing catch-up. It has always had to share its dominant position in the PC market with other big beasts, but it generally manages to either embrace or exterminate them. The first beast was IBM, who built the hardware on which Microsoft's operating systems first ran, but over time PC hardware has become mostly generic, churned out at low cost by anonymous factories in China. We have instead entered a post-physical age, an empire of the clouds in which the new masters - Google, Amazon, enfant terribles of the internet age - make their money from data. Human souls.

Apple and Microsoft are like England and France; mortal enemies who are much alike, and have occasionally fought on the same side. Google and Amazon are something else. They are creatures of the internet age and are no great friends of their dinosaur cousins. Let battle commence.

Windows 7, Only Better

In the UK, Windows 8 costs £24.99 if you download an upgrade for XP, Vista, and Windows 7. You can also get it on old-fashioned physical media, but dammit this is 2012. My laptop doesn't even have an optical drive. For comparison, Windows 95 sold for $205 in 1995, and Windows 7 upgrades ranged from $119-199 depending on which version you got. At launch there was just one version of Windows 95 - it was called Windows 95 - with Windows NT 4 as its professional counterpart. Microsoft subsequently developed a fetish for releasing different versions of its OS. Vista came as Starter, which was aimed at poor people, plus Home Basic and Home Premium, which were aimed at different types of ordinary people, and there was Business and Enterprise, which were aimed at professional people, and also Vista Ultimate, which was for suckers. There was also a limited, numbered Vista Ultimate Signature Edition, which had Bill Gates' signature on the front of the box.

Windows 8 has slimmed this malarkey right down. There is plain Windows 8 for most people; Windows 8 Pro for slightly fewer people; Windows 8 Enterprise for the many businesses that will be rolling out Windows 8, and also RT, which isn't aimed at PC people at all. It's a special version for ARM-powered tablets and you can forget about it. I got Windows 8 Pro, because I was running XP Professional. In fact I got 32-bit Windows 8 Pro, because there's no way to upgrade from a 32-bit version of Windows to a 64-bit version. In practice an upgrade from XP is actually a fresh install, although you can ask 8 to back everything up. It sticks your old installation of XP into a windows.old directory, and retains your hard drive's directory structure. Your old My Documents folder now becomes a subfolder within your new User folder, which can be confusing (I now have two Google Drive directories, for example, only one of which works).

The press doesn't think too much of Windows 8's chances in the enterprise market, which is fair enough given that so many businesses are only just moving to Windows 7. I don't know what Windows 8's server version - Windows Server 2012 - is like, although this chap thinks it's the bee's knees. As a point-of-sale or front-of-house proposition, Windows 8's start screen interface would be a natural fit - for example, the typical GP or dental surgery could replace their receptionist with a large Windows 8 tablet. The patients would book themselves in, perhaps by holding their printed appointment notification or mobile phone up to the tablet's camera so that it can read the QR code. In a science fiction future the tablet could use the location-awareness of other tablets and mobile phones in order to book the patients in automatically as they approach it. The GP or dentist could then either sack the receptionist or - and this is even better - threaten to sack her unless she works longer hours for less money. That way the GP or dentist saves money whilst still having someone to order about, which is a double win.

This kind of front-of-house application could have been done with XP and 7 - it could have and was done with Windows 3.1, even the GPS thing - but Windows 8 integrates all of this technology together with a set of standard tools. It can't be all that hard on a conceptual level to write a start screen application that interfaces with a GP's appointments management system; difficult, laborious, frustrating, but not conceptually challenging.

Although my X61 is old, it's not prehistoric, and so Windows 8 installed quickly and without fuss. There were still a few residual quirks, though. I couldn't get a second monitor to work until I had upgraded the video drivers (by right-clicking on the desktop - advanced settings - properties - driver - update). Presumably Lenovo are working behind the scenes to update all their Thinkpad drivers for Windows 8, which might explain why they don't have any available on their website yet. After installing a couple of trial applications I had to download some old Visual C++ 2003 DLLs. Other than that, it appears to work. It boots faster than XP, and I can get to the desktop faster with Firefox running, even though I have to go through the start screen. Let's have a look at that start screen:


You can make it smaller, which looks sad. Those poor icons! Adrift, alone in the endless night:


The start screen replaces the start menu and has been very controversial. You can generally ignore it. The first thing that struck me when starting Windows 8 was the new design language, which makes heavy use of flat-shaded rectangles, vaguely Art Nouveau details, and Segoe, a friendly airy font.


Microsoft calls it the Metro Design Language, and it encompasses the operating system, the packaging, Microsoft's website, its logo and corporate image. Graphic designers will no doubt pooh-pooh it for being bland and unchallenging, but it is at the very least not offensive. I find it quite attractive. Earlier versions of Windows had a "look", but they were never stylish and always felt like an imitation of Apple's interface designs from a couple of years before fed through a blandifier. Aero, the much-hyped resource hog from Windows Vista, has now been torn out and thrown away, and also kicked and spat on. Microsoft now derides it as dated and cheesy, and to be honest it was dated and cheesy when it was new. It was the all-in-one hi-fi with an LED graphic equaliser of the interface world.

In the picture of the start screen above, if I click on the Firefox icon - sorry, tile, they're tiles now - Window 8 launches an instance of the desktop with Firefox running on top. If I then close Firefox I'm left on the desktop, I don't go back to the start screen. Generally this is Windows 8's biggest quirk; it operates in two worlds, and has a habit of tossing you between them and leaving you there. For example, if you decide to open a photograph from Explorer running on the desktop, you get three choices, viz:


One of those is a start screen application. Which one? Let's pick "photos". Aha, it was that one:


The lovely Helene Atsuko

And now I'm running the start screen's Photo application, which is similar to the Windows Photo Viewer but with fewer controls. If I dismiss Photo - you grab the top of the screen and swipe down, which isn't at all obvious - the start screen is where I go:


Where's my desktop? It's still running, but in the background. This is confusing at first. The solution is not to bother with start screen applications. They are simplistic, limited things. Your touch-screen cousins might enjoy them, but you have more powerful alternatives. Spare a thought for the folk who are running Windows RT on an tablet; the desktop exists on that platform, but it's a walled garden that exists as a launcher for approved desktop applications.

Windows 8 is intended for tablets and desktops alike, although the design team seem to have had touch-screen tablets on the brain. When I plug in a USB stick I get the following message:


No amount of tapping my X61's screen worked, so I clicked on it with the mouse instead. My suggestion: just have "choose what happens with this disc". The user is smart enough to know that he or she has to activate that control. How they do it is up to them.

Another example. If you try to open an unfamiliar file in XP, you get this:


The first option never works, the second is more helpful. Try the same thing in Windows 8, and you're directed to the store so that you can buy your way out of trouble:

This is why Ubuntu is so much better - Ubuntu would never compel you to buy things

There might not be a solution now, but Microsoft hopes that an army of developers will spring up to build one for you. They are certainly busy.


The old start button is actually replaced with two things. The start screen is a general-purpose application launcher that you can mostly avoid. If you move the mouse to the top-right or bottom-right of the screen you get the Charms menu, which is a more direct replacement.


 
It's how you shut down the computer, for example. You move the mouse to the bottom-right, settings - power - shutdown. As opposed to the pre-Windows 8 way of doing things, which involved moving your mouse to the bottom-left, start - turn off computer - turn off. This change has provoked a lot of angst on the internet, which seems comical because it's not a huge thing. There are far greater horrors in the world.

Click on the search button and you can just type in the name of an application to find it. Alternatively, you can scroll across the Apps screen, which is generally more useful than the start screen.


In this example, OpenOffice and VLC are grouped into the Windows 8 equivalent of start menu folders, whereas on the start screen they're just dumped into the icon soup on the right. For comparison, here's how XP deals with an installation of Google Earth:


 And this is what the Start screen does with it:


As you can see, the uninstall option has gone. You're supposed to do that with Windows 8's control panel. Overall the combination of Charms menu and Apps screen basically makes the Start screen superfluous unless you enjoy looking at Live Tiles. Live Tiles are reminiscent of Active Desktop, which you might not remember, except that they aren't actually on the desktop. Now that everybody is plugged into Facebook 24/7 they make a lot more sense that Active Desktop, I admit.

Windows 8 also brings in the ribbon bar from Office 2007, which is now part of Explorer. I'm in two minds about this. It eliminates a lot of the "click on every menu until you get the thing you want" guesswork, but it's visually cluttered. I suspect over time I'll grow to ignore it.


At this point I've used Windows 8 for two days, on a laptop. I generated most of this blog post with it. I can remember when I transitioned from XP to Windows 7, which was essentially seamless, and from 98 to XP, which involved disabling a lot of things. Windows 8 is more of a conceptual leap, but it's far from the disastrous skyfall that internet blowhards have claimed. It doesn't seem to have affected the machine's battery life noticeably, and feels generally faster than XP (Windows 8 includes "readyboost", which can use an SD card or USB stick as a cache - it seems to have sped up GIMP, but I haven't timed it properly). As a desktop replacement the X61 is limited by its old-fashioned X3100 GM965 integrated graphics chip, which was rubbish for games in 2007 and is no better nowadays. The maximum resolution for an external monitor is 2048x1536 - coincidentally the same resolution as an iPad 3 - so if you have a console for games the X61 and other Core Duo machines from the late-mid 2000s are still perfectly viable for productivity and so forth.

Anything else? I use an operating system to help me gets things done, rather than as an end in itself. Bearing in mind that I have generally ignored the Start screen, in which case Windows 8 gets out of the way. The lack of a recently-used-documents window is irritating. Local search is terrible, but then again it was terrible in Windows 7 and latterly in XP; the DOS command line is still there (it identifies Windows 8 as "Version 6.2.9200"). I use my X61 as a large netbook, and in that respect Windows 8 is a much more natural fit, because I only use a couple of applications at once.

Looking back, it's almost as if history went wrong for a while there. Windows 8 would have been a natural fit on netbooks, but they came and went whilst Microsoft was messing around with Vista. Still, if you have XP running on an older laptop, a Windows 8 upgrade is a cheap way to bring it up to date without dropping compatibility for Windows applications.

Of course, you could just leave XP on the laptop and spend the £25 on other things. It's not as if XP is "out of date"; it still works just as well as it did two days ago and drivers for it are almost universally available. When I switch between the two the only thing I really notice is XP's slower boot. Is Windows 8 more stable, more secure? I would hope so, but then again it hasn't had a service pack yet. My advice is that if your machine is loaded down with years of applications and personal files, leave it be. It's not worth the hassle. If you bought the machine second-hand with a mostly-wiped disc, or you only ever used it to surf the internet and run one or two applications, it's up to you; you gain slightly faster boot times, a more attractive interface, and perhaps there might be something in the shop you'll enjoy.

The future? There was a time when people used their desktop PCs for a wide range of things, but people are a lot simpler now. Desktop PC sales have been moribund whilst tablets have taken off. The mass market, looking to buy a fresh new tablet, will wonder what Windows 8 gives them that they don't already have with an Android or iPod; the answer is, not a lot. As such, Microsoft will have to compete on style or price, which will be difficult. Yes, there's still a place for dad's big desktop PC sitting on a table in the study. But over time the big desktop's relevance has eroded, beyond simply having a larger screen. Tablets and laptops are for the most part just as powerful. Less customisable, sure, but the same is true in other fields, outside the computing world, and in any case there's less need.

Whilst writing this article I was also writing a history of the IBM Thinkpad range, and there are parallels between IBM circa the turn of the millennium and Microsoft today. They both generate the bulk of their income from providing services to businesses, with the consumer stuff as an important but slowly fading market for them. In IBM's case, the hardware was undercut and overwhelmed by cheaper, more efficient competition, and so the company decided to exit the hardware business and concentrate on services instead. It was a brutal cut, effected effectively, but it worked, and IBM is now doing very well indeed. It briefly had a higher market capitalisation than Microsoft earlier this year.

Over the fence, Apple charges a nominal sum for its operating system, but makes the bulk of its revenues from selling iPhones and iPads. Microsoft is caught in the middle of this, and can go two ways. It is currently trying to compete with Apple's hardware by selling the Microsoft Surface tablet, but I can't see Apple being too worried about it. People want a cheap tablet or a laptop or an Apple product, Surface is none of those things. It's not new and different enough to carve out its own market, although it is very attractive.

Alternatively Microsoft could follow IBM, and ditch or split the consumer business. Aim squarely for the corporate market. In which case Windows would become a tiny thing, which would be awkward because it requires a large development team and a lot of work. Still, splitting Windows from Microsoft would head off some of the anti-trust complaints that Microsoft has endured over the years. Office is now a cloud-enabled subscription service that is essentially independent of the computer's host operating system, which means that Microsoft can make money from every computing platform, not just Windows. In a cloud-enabled future the operating system is mostly irrelevant, and so perhaps there is no future for Windows at all.

But then again, things change. There was a time when Apple was lambasted for concentrating on hardware sales instead of licensing its operating system for other platforms. If only there had been a PC version of System 7, they said, Apple would be a giant instead of a has-been. Of course, it didn't turn out like that. Apple couldn't beat Microsoft at Microsoft's game, they didn't have it in them. Instead they concentrated on extending what they were good at, and did it really well.

Over the years Microsoft has shown time and time again that it can build and sell operating systems and the software that runs on them. When IBM gave up its PC business it gave up nothing of consequence. It left behind residual traces, just as the British Empire left behind residual traces; railway gauges, a language, Marmite, the PS/2 mouse port. In contrast, if Microsoft gives up Windows, it gives up its chance to shape the future.

In summary, then, is Windows 8 a good thing or a bad thing, or just a thing?

GOOD

Speed 
The desktop feels responsive and snappy, and at the very least it's not noticeably slower than XP. It used to be that each new version of Windows demanded fresh hardware, and if you wanted to bring older hardware into the modern age you had to install Ubuntu. Windows 8 bucks that trend. It definitely boots faster. I admit that I haven't done any formal tests, but these people did back in August, and they agree with me. The men from Microsoft are very proud of Windows 8's fast boot.In fact, running on my 2ghz Thinkpad X61 it boots to the internet faster than 64-bit Windows 7 on my 3.3ghz i5-2500K desktop. Of course, the i5-2500K is much more powerful when it gets going, and fast boot is meaningless on a desktop machine - I generally turn it on once a day. In this respect Windows 8 is a good fit for laptops, because it spends - get this - less time churning and more time earning. That phrase is copyright Ashley Pomeroy 2012. Certainly the under-the-hood engineering is very clever.

It Looks Nice
For the first time, Windows has style. For some users this is irrelevant, and if the rest of the OS was a clunky broken mess the visual style would be a kick in the teeth. Why didn't Microsoft spend its time fixing things? Stupid sexy Microsoft.

Fortunately Windows 8 is solidly built, or at least the individual bits are solidly built. The look doesn't take anything away from the experience, and human beings are emotional creatures, after all. I know I am. If it makes me feel nice, what's so bad about that?

It Works
After installing it on my Thinkpad X61, it worked. Not perfectly. I had to upgrade the graphics drivers manually in order to enable a second monitor. But otherwise it just worked. The old software that I have reinstalled works. Firefox works.

NOT SO GOOD

Driver Support
Possibly specific to older laptops. Lenovo hasn't released many Windows 8 drivers yet for their legacy Thinkpads, so I've had to use some Windows 7 drivers instead. Beyond that, Microsoft seem to have learned from the Windows Vista affair; I can't say I've seen mass reports on the internet of Windows 8 falling over because of old drivers. Next.

No XP Mode
I upgraded to Windows 7 Professional specifically for XP Mode. Windows 8 doesn't have XP Mode, and never will. Over the course of two years I've only used it in anger three times, bu it was useful (there's always VMWare, of course, but you still need to supply a legit copy of XP).

The Metro/Desktop Dichotomy
This is a common criticism of Windows 8, and it feel redundant to repeat it. Every review of Windows 8 points it out. The individual elements are pretty good. The desktop is fast and responsive, the start screen interface likewise, although it needs another pass. Here's what you get if you try and use the store without an internet connection:


See that arrow in the top-left? Guess what happens if you click it. That's right, it changes colour. And that's all that happens. It doesn't take you anywhere. It doesn't do anything. The arrow is a lie.

The two interfaces have separate control panels, which control some of the same things, but not others. I don't know what happens if you set the start screen control panel to compensate for DST, and the desktop panel to not compensate for DST. I'm not going to try. The charms menu adds nothing to the desktop's control panel, and pops up whenever you move your mouse into the corners; it would be nice if there was a way to turn this off, but I suspect that Microsoft's desire to make the desktop seem like just another app is almost religious in its fervour. To be fair, the powers that control Ubuntu don't care about your opinion, either.

How would I fix it? Add an option to reinstate the start menu; it was present in the early previews of Windows 8, it can't be a lot of work to put it back. Disable the start screen hotspot in the bottom-left corner of the screen, and move it to the bottom-right. And then make the top-left corner of the screen the charms menu hotspot. Problem solved. That'll be £12,000 please, Microsoft, for my consulting fees.

My rationale for those three changes are (a) the two menus can coexist, people will find their own way and will feel happier for it (b) people are unlikely to click accidentally in the bottom-right corner of the screen (b) the top-right of the screen should be sacred, because it's where people shove the mouse when they want to close a window. To be fair, the Charms menu doesn't prevent that from happening - you can still shove the mouse to infinity and click the button, and it will activate the window close button instead of the Charms menu - but it's visually distracting.

Those few tweaks would have eliminated the vast negative buzz that has grown up around Windows 8. It would have gone from being the well-engineered but slightly superfluous Windows update with the kiddy interface to The Slim, Trendy-Looking New Windows That Really Works. There are some people who will always hate Microsoft, for what they are, what they have done, what they embody. Their opinions are set in stone, and there's no point trying to reach them. The rest of us would happily sup with the Devil (Microsoft) if he was handing out hot dogs (a nice new operating system) on a cold day (such as today; I'm writing this as a storm is smashing New York). Or, to use another metaphor, Steve Ballmer's milkshake would have brought all the boys (and girls) to the yard, instead of some of the boys - and they would have drunk his milkshake, drunk it all up... with a short spoon. Straw.

EDIT: In fact Classic Shell basically fixes all of these problems - it adds a start menu and can disable the hot corners, and even boot straight to the desktop (although this isn't totally seamless, as you still get a flash of the start screen). With Classic Shell, Windows 8 is a mutha. You have to question the wisdom of making the new start button look a bit like the logo of Shell Oil, though. I would be wary of offending a major oil company.


What's the Point?
In the past, it was a lot easier to rationalise upgrading to a newer version of Windows, although as time went on this became harder to do. Windows 98 SE felt like Windows 95 finally done right, in one handy package. Windows XP was a lot more stable than Windows 98, and brought in a bunch of handy new features; built-in support for wi-fi networking, for example, plus a built-in firewall, a higher memory ceiling, multi-processor support, and so on. On a conceptual level it was finally extinguished Windows' legacy as a shell that sat on top of DOS. Windows 7 was less compelling, but it did bring in generally seamless 64-bit support. XP and Vista had 64-bit support, too, but Windows 7 had a much more thorough set of drivers.

Windows 8 is less compelling. The speed boost is nice to have, but I don't imagine it making a truly ancient laptop - anything pre-Pentium M - usable again. It doesn't add any major new features. Wikipedia's summary makes it seem like Windows 7 SE with a new skin. Unless you plan on using Microsoft's app store, the "new skin" is essentially superfluous. You'll probably use the app store once, to see what it looks like, and again a week later to see if anything has changed. Beyond that, it doesn't make a huge amount of sense on a laptop. None of the start screen applications leap out at me. There are cut-down portals to websites that you could just as easily visit from the desktop. There are casual games, none of them compelling enough to grab me. And there is the kind of shareware shovelware that has been around since time immemorial - unit converters, translators, notepad replacements, the developer's final-year university project, that kind of thing. All of these things have analogues on the actual, grown-up internet, which is just a click away. Feel pity for Windows RT users, for this is all they have.

Given that the store is the only way to install start screen applications, it's fair to say that the start screen exists to support the store. Take away the store, and you take away the start screen's raison d'etre. The buttons, the scrolling, the pretence that this is a replacement for the start menu; it's nonsense. It exists solely to support the store. Which is a very tablet-centric way of viewing things. Tablets are devices on which you spend money so that can spend more money. I use a computer to do stuff (points to rest of blog). Still, as I say, you can mostly ignore the start screen. I find the lack of a start button less irritating than I expected. But, then again, as this is a laptop I only have a few applications. If I had to scroll five screens to the right to find my software, I might not be so sanguine.

"Sanguine". References to Aubrey Beardsley. Colourful pictures. Paragraphs. Truly, I am a superior blogger. A superior blogger am I.

The Number 8 is Yellow
I don't like that colour.

In summary, it adds a few new things that will amuse you for a while before you tire of them. It generally does no harm. It's a little bit faster. It looks nice. It's only £25.

Little man, what now?